U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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