Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize