Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize