Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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