You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
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Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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