mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize