I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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