He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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