I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
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oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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