i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it hurts more in the daytime
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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