I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize