Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize