Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize