wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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