I met the friendliest cop last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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