Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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