Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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