You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Someone came in the potted fern
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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