she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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