i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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