Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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