saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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