I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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