It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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