Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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