he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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