sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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