After last night, I could never be a politician.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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