There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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