i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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