The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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