so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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