...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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