The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Couch. On fire.
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