you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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