I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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