in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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