Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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