we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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