Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They took my balls.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize