The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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