it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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