I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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