When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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