if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize