life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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