afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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