He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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