if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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