Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am midnight drunk by noon
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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